We kept the fact that Blue was trying out for the cops to ourselves for quite awhile, telling only very close friends and some family. Eventually though, when Blue had made it far enough into the process, it became common knowledge to most of the people we associate with.
People would excitedly ask Blue all sorts of questions about the job change.
How long is training?
When do you start?
What do you want to do when you get in?
Are you excited?
Do you get Tasered?
They'd go on and on, eating-up every little bit of information.
Then, more often than not, they'd turn to me and with a 'you poor thing' look in their eye and they'd ask, "And what do YOU think about it?" They were sharing in Blue's excitement and 'sharing' in my depression and anxiety, except that I wasn't depressed or anxious. It was as though they were expecting that I hadn't really given it much thought, or if I had thought it through, that I thought it was the worst idea known to mankind.
I kept on getting this reaction from people time and time again and I wondered why. I mean, I know I'm blonde and all, but I AM capable of thinking through these major life decisions and discussing them with my husband. It's not like Blue would just up and decided to be a cop without EVER talking to me about it. And do you really think that he would go for something that I'm totally against? I guess maybe they did.
The truth is, Blue and I had spent hours upon hours talking about this change, weighing it all out. Blue had gone and talked to a detective that is currently on the force to ask him some questions about what life is like working as an officer. We both read some books about policing and we went over to Blue's "uncle's" house, who was on the force for 20 years, and chatted with him and his wife about their experience with the job. We got lots of good advice. Blue and I spent a lot of time calculating the possible affect this would have on him, myself and our family as a whole.
I felt like we were entering into this change as educated and prepared as we could be so it always came as a surprise to me when people would ask that question (like that) and give that look. To be honest, it was always a worrisome look. It made me feel uneasy because I would second guess myself. I thought that maybe I shouldn't be as excited or supportive of this change. Maybe I'd overlooked some crucial piece of information.
Maybe they knew something I didn't...
Great post! And no, they didn't know something you didn't. The problem is they don't know anything at all. I completely understand where you are coming from. After awhile I just started giving vague answers and ignoring questions altogether. The best part? After we got married and moved people started asking my parents "how is she doing up there with those people..." lol. They were suprised to find out that I liked living in a rural part of the country where I was a visible minority. In fact I loved it.
ReplyDeleteI feel your frustration of being thought of as incapable.
Because you are not. You and Blue are probably the most capable people I can think of to take this challenge on. :)
I wouldn't worry about the opinion of people whose first question about Blue's new career is if he gets Tasered nor not.
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I remember before my fiance got into the academy one of our mutual friends asked "how I felt about him getting into the academy?" At the time, I thought nothing of it and answered I'm fine with it this is what he wants to do. However, I realize now what she was asking me. She was asking if I was going to be ok with less than ideal shifts, unexpected overtime, and schedules that change. You prepared yourself, educated yourself, and discussed the pros and cons. You are going to be fine better than fine! You shouldn't ever second guess yourself.
ReplyDeleteBe prepared for him to be away on most, if not all, holidays, and rarely having weekends off.
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