Friday, February 15, 2013

JT's Favourite Story

Posted by: Blue

There are two different tellings of this story.  The real story, and JT's version.  He has told his version of the tale to everyone on every shift... multiple times... often by special request.  I just let him.  It's way funnier than the truth, even if the truth alone was already quite hilarious.

DISCLAIMER: The facts as presented by JT were accurate to his standards at the time of posting.  It should be noted that the story becomes more and more elaborate and ridiculous with each re-telling.

It was the beginning of a day shift.  We were just signing on.  I was driving and headed for the coffee shop to pick up our regular morning java to kick-start the day.

It was the beginning of a day shift.  We were just signing on.  I was driving and jumping and telling JT to run plates the entire time he was trying to log onto the computer and he was becoming more and more agitated because he couldn't sign on but I kept bothering him with plate numbers.  He kept telling me to shut up and just focus on heading for the coffee shop to pick up our regular morning java to kick-start the day.

I saw a vehicle pass-by, going the opposite direction, without a front plate (mandatory in our province).  I waited until the traffic cleared, pulled a u-ball and then caught up with the car.  It stood-out to me because it looked like it had the dark tinted windows and shiny rims of a typical dial-a-dealer drug-mobile.

JT was still fighting with the computer and looking forward to getting a coffee to calm him down when suddenly he was thrown sideways as I careened through a u-turn which took me over the 8" high centre median and then all hell broke loose as I accelerated after some unknown target, all the while cutting-off a number of shocked citizens who were just trying to get to work safely.  JT kept asking me "What's wrong!? What did you see!?" but I refused to answer and I had the look of a determined mad man in my eyes.

We caught up with the vehicle and I turned my overhead lights on.  The car didn't slow down, so I chirped the siren a little.  The car still didn't slow or pull over, so I let the yelpers wail.

I almost rear-ended the vehicle, coming up on it hard.  Then I proceeded to roll down my window and hang halfway out the door, yelling at the person who was driving and wildly flailing my arms.  When that didn't work, I grabbed the PA system and started hollering at the driver that if they didn't stop their tires would be shot out.  A number of PITT manoeuvre attempts proved fruitless.  JT began voicing a slow pursuit over the radio.

At this point, I began to suspect one of two things; either this was a gang member attempting to make a very slow get-away, or it was a very elderly person who was oblivious to my presence.

I told JT to let dispatch know that the helicopter would be required for our pursuit.

The suspect finally pulled over and stopped, but on the left side of the street instead of the right.  I stopped the car behind them and got out to approach the driver's side door.

The vehicle in question remained in motion but the pursuit was so slow that I decided to get out on foot and give chase.

Just as I got to the driver's door, the vehicle began pulling into a left hand turn, across the intersection and headed for a side street.  I began running alongside, knocking on the window with my flash-light to alert the driver, who I could now see was indeed a frail old grandmotherly type, of my presence.

As I approached, the vehicle accelerated away from me.  Not to be left empty-handed, I jumped onto the trunk of the car, holding onto the antenna for support, and made my way over the roof of the car as it sped away to peer into the car through the windshield.  I held my Glock and pointed it at the feeble old lady in the driver's seat, threatening to send her straight to Jesus if she didn't stop the vehicle.

Just as we crossed through the intersection, our tactical team happened to be driving by.  They saw me running alongside the vehicle and decided to lend a hand if they could.  Meanwhile, JT still sat in the car in the middle of the road, with the driver's side door wide open and the lights still flashing, shaking his head and wishing he was drinking a coffee.  The driver finally noticed me and pulled to the side of the road.  The boys in the tactical car jumped out to help but I sheepishly waved them off.  They waved and drove away.

Just as we crossed through the intersection, our Tactical team happened to be driving by.  They saw me running alongside the vehicle and immediately assumed I was chasing down a murderer who was wanted on a Canada-wide warrant.  They finished the pursuit by ramming the suspect car into a tree.  The driver was unceremoniously pulled out of the vehicle through the smashed window and held at the point of two assault rifles while I begged them not to shoot and tried to quickly explain myself.

I explained my presence to the sweet old gal and asked why she hadn't stopped and if she hadn't seen the lights.  She replied "Oh sure I saw you there.  I just didn't think you were after me!"  I told her that she was missing her front plate. "Oh my goodness!  It must have fallen off!  Thank you officer!"  "You're welcome ma'am.  Just make sure to pull to the right and stop next time... even if you don't think I'm after you.  Have a nice day."

It was eventually discovered that I had scared the old lady so much that she had soiled herself.  In the end, she ended-up being the great-aunt of the mayor and I had to talk to the Chief and explain why I had been so rough on the woman.  I kept my badge but just barely because as it turned out, the mayor didn't really even like his great-aunt.

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