Posted by: Blue
We got a call that there was a male at the complainant's apartment door with a knife trying to break the door down.
We showed up a short time later and found the apartment building quiet. The suspect had apparently left and was nowhere to be seen during a search of the building.
We spoke to the complainant who clearly had a number of stab marks in his front door.
The trouble with his neighbour had started when he had found his neighbour's girlfriend standing in the hallway buck naked and locked out of her apartment a few weeks ago. The neighbour was Tommy. The girlfriend was Mariah. The complainant had given Mariah a phone to use and a set of clothes to wear. Tommy had become convinced that they were sleeping together and today he had gotten good and drunk and gone over the edge.
We decided to try knocking on Tommy's door which was a floor up. We knocked and knocked and called to Tommy through the door, but there was no answer. We were just discussing whether to write him up for warrant when we heard a noise in the stairwell behind us. We both turned just as the door opened into the hall.
There was Tommy. Shirtless again. His stitches in his neck looked red and infected. We both drew down on him, 'cause he apparently had a knife. I pulled the Taser, my partner pulled his Glock. We yelled at Tommy to get down. I called him by name. He had a series of facial expressions going from fear to acceptance to relief. He recognized us just as he started raising his hands into the air and said "Oh thank God it's you guys!" He continued onto the floor into the prone position and gave us no trouble.
"You still have a knife on you, Tommy?"
"Ya. Ya, it's in my back pocket."
"OK. Don't reach for it or you're gonna get either shot or tasered or both. You understand?"
"Ya. I'm just glad it's you guys. You guys are good guys."
We cuffed him and took him down to the car. I arrested him for all of the nonsense that had happened that night.
On the way back to the station, I asked him what his version of the story was.
"Well, about a week ago, we were having sex on the couch and then we finished and everything was good until she told me to get her a cheeseburger. I told her 'forget it, bitch, I'm not your servant', but she wouldn't give it up. She kept demanding a cheeseburger, so I threw.... I shoved.... I placed her gently outside the apartment and locked her out. That guy from that apartment brought her into his place and she's been fucking him ever since. Tonight I just lost it."
"Ya. You kinda did."
JT and I laughed. Tommy laughed.
"Thanks for being good with me guys. I'm glad it was you that came to arrest me."
"Tommy, you've gotta get rid of the girl and quit drinkin' man. No woman is worth going to jail over just cause she's screwing some other dude."
"Ya. I know. She's such a bitch. But I love her."
Back at the station, we introduced Tommy to our Sergeant as "Tommy Solami". The Sergeant snapped his head up from his desk.
"THE Tommy Solami?!"
"Yes sir. The very one and only."
"How do you know about me?" Tommy asked.
Just then a few other cops walked by. We informed them that they were in the presence of the legend, Tommy Solami. They all raised their eyebrows and a couple of them went to shake his hand, playing along with our mock reverence (which of course didn't work because Tommy was cuffed). It was clear that the attention was going to Tommy's head.
"Everyone knows you here, Tommy. We were telling the whole shift about you when we were looking for Mariah."
As we carted him off to his cell, we passed the detective's office and Tommy hollered out "Hey guys, it's me, Tommy Solami! Need an autograph? I'm here all night!"
We finished our reports, hauled him away to jail and locked him up, still beaming.
The best part of the night was still to come. When we came into the provincial jail, Tommy walked up to one of the grumpy senior guards and tried to shake his hand (once the cuffs had come off), introducing himself as "The Famous Tommy Solami". It was clear then that his fame had not extended to the provincial jail quite yet, because the guard simply responded "I don't give a FUCK who you are! Shut your mouth and listen to what we tell you to do when we tell you to do it and there won't be any problems."