Dad

Posted by: Blue

My father died on February 17. He had a sudden pulmonary embolism.

It has been a hard month, but would have been much more difficult without loving co-workers, friends and family.

I have been reminded of the beauty in life and the things I have to be grateful for.

Stoplight Conversation

Posted by: Blue

Today, we stopped at a red light next to an SUV full of a family.  I locked eyes with the driver; the mother. She smiled. I smiled. Then she laughed. I laughed. She waved. I waved. She kept laughing, turning to her passenger. 

I rolled down my window. She rolled down her window. 

"What are you laughing at?" I asked. 

"You guys!" She replied. "I was just saying how we have a nice escort with us now."

"Well, very good then. You guys have a very nice day! Merry Christmas!"

"Are you working Christmas?" She asked.

"No! We're off this year! We work New Year's Eve. On Evenings. It should be interesting."

"Well, Merry Christmas!"

"You too!"

A short time later, a message came across our terminal. It said that a gentleman had called the comm centre on the non-emergency line just to say "Thank-you" to the police for doing what we do, "especially in light of what happened in New York".

I am always very, very encouraged to have an uncharacteristically positive interaction with a citizen. It's a bright spot on a day typically filled with people's misery, complaints and dissatisfaction.  

A very merry Christmas to the majority of the citizens in my city who I do not typically encounter on one of their good days. 

Remembrance Day

Posted by: Blue

Today, I am wondering how much fighting it will take to bring peace to our own country.

All of my love, prayers and support to those overseas and those still at home waiting.

The Weight

Posted by: Blue

A story from The Spectator, written by an anonymous Hamilton Police Officer.  It is well worth a read if you'd like to know what it is like to live the life of a cop.  His words (though it may just as easily have been written by a female, I'll refer to him as male, because I see myself when I read the article) are very wisely chosen and paint the exact picture of what I have been feeling weighing me down this past couple of months.

I especially like the fact that at the end, he describes how he loves his job.  I feel the same.  It has been interesting to be enveloped in this lifestyle for a few years and to look back and ask myself if I would make the same choice over again, and invariably I answer "yes".

They say that ignorance is bliss.  I often tell my partner that we as police are among the few who have had that ignorance torn from us, never to be revisited.  It is a career where we see very clearly the things which contribute to the decay of society.  We see them over and over and over again and are unable to hide in ignorance of the horror of mankind's selfishness and depravity any longer.  As the officer said in the article, we are doomed to re-live certain things over and over again.

But I am happy to be a police officer.  I am happy that I continue to find the strength to serve, despite the hatred that I feel from so many people, despite the undue scrutiny, despite the impossible standard of perfection.

I believe I am still finding my balance as a cop, even after 3 years.  I know that I swing from over-caring to apathy at times.  I like to think that I have some good role models to look-up to.  Some of them are over on the right side of this webpage, writing their own takes on this life.  Others are my peers and superiors at work.  This is a hard job to adjust to.  Trust me.  My heroes are the ones who walk the Thin Blue Line and remain balanced, somehow overcoming the tendency to become jaded and apathetic.

If you see a police officer in the next while, it really does mean a lot to us to receive a simple thank-you.  I have had people come up to me and say something like that.  It makes my day.  Cheers to you people.  You are who we do this for day after day.

A Song

Posted by: Blue

Most days, I am content and happy with my job and my choices that have brought me thus far in life.  Every once in a while I get melancholy and reflective and wonder how my life might have been different.

I was listening to one of my favourite artists today - Del Barber.  Some days I feel like The Waitress, who could have, and maybe should have done much more with her life, but just got stuck and never broke out. Some days I wonder if I should have studied in university to become a doctor or lawyer or engineer, or if I should have taken more risks and made bigger attempts with my business.  Some days I wonder if I should have started building houses and become a developer.

Some days, I just wish it was way back when, and all I had to worry about was a horse, a gun and a saddle. On those days, the cowboy days, the last chorus haunts me.

Here it is in it's entirety.  Also a link to the iTunes album, here.

THE WAITRESS

She was tall and always tired
Works the late shift at the all night diner
The years can fly by you in a place like this
Waiting for a perfect man and a perfect kiss

Coffee cups, eggs and sausage
Steady hands, friendly smiles hold her hostage
She traded her 20′s for a job that never promised more
Her dreams fell asleep on the top bunk and woke up on the floor

There ain’t no good fight
There ain’t no hero
There ain’t no bad man out to get you
There’s just a tough job 
That will swallow you in the darkness of another day

She grew up in the West 
She grew up in the country 
Great plaines, long trains, horses and hay 
She thought she was rich cause she had everything she could need 
Till the storm of divorce came and all was lost to legal fees

She moved to the city before she turned 25 
Never looked back never wondered what she’s lost
She got a job, learned to work, tried her damndest to be happy 
But she know’s she’ll never feel what’s it’s like to be free enough to leave

There ain’t no good fight
There ain’t no hero
There ain’t no bad man out to get you
There’s just a tough job
That will swallow you in the darkness of another day

There’s no more cowboys
No more bonfires
No more stars up in her sky
There’s just the streetlights
Casting shadows into the darkness of another day

- Del Barber

Growing Older

Blue turned 30 yesterday.

This morning I was sitting in bed, the was sun streaming in and the window was slightly cracked. I was listening to the birds while I sipped at my coffee. Little Blue was crawling around on the floor beside me chatting to his rubber ducky. The Boy and Waffle were downstairs watching cartoons about bugs. Blue had just fallen into bed straight off of night-shift. His breathing was already rhythmic and heavy.

I smiled to myself. Little Blue thought I was smiling at him so he gave me a big gummy grin and then went back to slobbering on the ducks head.

My days are busy and tiring, as are Blue's, but they're good. We're growing older but I don't mind so much when I look around and feel a peaceful contentment.

The Return of the Sun

Posted by: Blue

It was a beautiful day today.  It went up to 16 degrees Celsius and sunny (61 Fahrenheit).

Time to put away the mock-neck monogram shirts and break out the Under Armour Heat Gear short sleeves.

By mid-summer, the thermometer can top out at around 38 degrees Celsius (100 Fahrenheit), making this climate I live in the second widest ranging temperature scale on Earth, surpassed only by Siberia in Northern Asia.

According to Wikipedia, the highest and lowest recorded temperatures for my city encompass a 90 degree Celsius (162 Fahrenheit) difference.

Morale Patches

Posted by: Blue

I was at the local tactical shop today.  I picked up some Mil-Spec Monkey morale patches for my duty bag.

I liked the first one so much that I bought one for JT too.

A Sheepdog

Posted by: Blue

This is one of the best metaphors I have ever heard.

One Vietnam veteran, an old retired colonel, once said this to me: “Most of the people in our society are sheep. They are kind, gentle, productive creatures who can only hurt one another by accident.”...

...I mean nothing negative by calling them sheep. To me it is like the pretty, blue robin’s egg. Inside it is soft and gooey but someday it will grow into something wonderful. But the egg cannot survive without its hard blue shell. Police officers, soldiers and other warriors are like that shell, and someday the civilization they protect will grow into something wonderful. For now, though, they need warriors to protect them from the predators.
“Then there are the wolves,” the old war veteran said, “and the wolves feed on the sheep without mercy.” Do you believe there are wolves out there who will feed on the flock without mercy? You better believe it. There are evil men in this world and they are capable of evil deeds. The moment you forget that or pretend it is not so, you become a sheep. There is no safety in denial...

...We know that the sheep live in denial; that is what makes them sheep. They do not want to believe that there is evil in the world. They can accept the fact that fires can happen, which is why they want fire extinguishers, fire sprinklers, fire alarms and fire exits throughout their kids’ schools. But many of them are outraged at the idea of putting an armed police officer in their kid’s school. Our children are dozens of times more likely to be killed, and thousands of times more likely to be seriously injured, by school violence than by school fires, but the sheep’s only response to the possibility of violence is denial. The idea of someone coming to kill or harm their children is just too hard, so they choose the path of denial.

The sheep generally do not like the sheepdog. He looks a lot like the wolf. He has fangs and the capacity for violence. The difference, though, is that the sheepdog must not, cannot and will not ever harm the sheep. Any sheepdog who intentionally harms the lowliest little lamb will be punished and removed. The world cannot work any other way, at least not in a representative democracy or a republic such as ours.

Still, the sheepdog disturbs the sheep. He is a constant reminder that there are wolves in the land. They would prefer that he didn’t tell them where to go, or give them traffic tickets, or stand at the ready in our airports in camouflage fatigues holding an M-16. The sheep would much rather have the sheepdog cash in his fangs, spray paint himself white, and go, “Baa.”

Until the wolf shows up. Then the entire flock tries desperately to hide behind one lonely sheepdog.

- From the book, On Combat, by Lt. Col. Dave Grossman

Bad Week

Posted by: Blue

It's been a hell of a week.

I'm tired and worn out.  Not from overtime or from manual labour.  I've been getting good sleep for the most part.

But every person I seem to have dealt with this week seemed intent to belittle me and tell me what a terrible job I was doing or had done.

I think I did a great job.

Thank God my bosses see how hard JT and I work for all of these people who try to destroy us.

The Law Should Be Technicolor

Posted by: Blue

Sometimes I feel like the tools that I have to use for keeping the peace demand that the situation be determined as either black or white.

But the best solution for the problems that people have dictate that you see spectrally.  People are dynamic and complex.  Like roan red or cerulean blue.