Cold Nights

It had never occurred to me, when I was a young bride, that there might come a day when Blue and I would spend a large amount of evenings apart. When we would text each other our good nights and sweet nothings instead of whispering them, because of distance and commitments and work and overtime. I figured once-in-awhile we'd be out with friends or have to work late, but not once did I think it would be normal for me to go about my night alone. 

We had plans to be lazy this evening. We were both having shit days and we wanted to cuddle-up and forget about the rest of the world. We wanted to forget about the people bringing us down, the stress of parenting, the city and its problems, the icy cold right outside our door. We were going to sit and enjoy each others company, joking and laughing and most-likely drooling while watching Anthony Bourdain eat some crazy street food in some far off place we'll never visit. 

Instead the city needed more time from him. And what can he say? He's a hard worker. I love that about him. I also hate that about him. 

So I got the text and my night was altered. I'm used to it by now. I'm used to getting the kids fed and bathed and off to bed by myself. Sometimes it goes well. I put on music and let them dance around the house like crazy monkeys so that when they're older they hopefully remember those times and forget how tired mommy always was. 

When the house is finally quiet and resting I take a big deep breath. I grab my glass of wine and run myself a bubble bath and go to bed early. Cold winter nights are usually the hardest. It's so dark and our bedroom is freezing. I tend to feel more alone than in the summer. 

One thing is for sure, I'm thankful for wine and bathtubs and heavy duvets and flannel pj's. 

Gone Fishin'

Posted by: Blue

I just got back from 4 days on my favourite lake with 4 of my best friends.

I am relaxed.

Tomorrow I'm in court bright and early.  Nights start Tuesday.

Spring Transfers

Posted by: Blue

This year, our Spring Transfer season incorporated our district amalgamating with the one to the South of us.

We now use approximately 25% of the police officers in the city to cover a land mass that is almost 50% of the city's sprawl.

In addition, we have lost our beloved Patrol Sergeant and Desk Sergeant to the shift that rotates before us, along with 4 of the Constables (1/2 the shift).

With JT gone on holidays to Hong Kong for two blocks, 5 new faces, 2 new Sergeants and two stations to work between, I think I might be feeling out of place until June or so.

A few saving graces:

1. Our new Sergeants seem to be great guys
2. We received one more constable than we lost, bringing our compliment up to minimum... at least for now...
3. My holiday time bank is about to refill in 7 days
4. Many of the newbies on the shift are coming out of speciality units with plenty of experience in various areas to share with the rest of us General Patrol humps
5. The new district covers a number of my favourite eateries in the city, including my all time #1 breakfast spot - a falafel joint owned by a dude from Iran which has the best hash-browns ever
6. JT and I are officially still partnered and ready to rock the city all year again before he is a mandatory transfer next year - AND... I believe we will be maintaining our epic 203 callsign

Amalgamation

Posted by: Blue

This Spring, our district is merging with the South.

The rush has started and the Sergeants are being shuffled.  Now all of the Constables are trying to vie for a position with their favourite boss while trying to avoid any problem cops and maintain their current partners if at all possible.

It is shaping up to be a big gong show.  So far, JT and I believe we might just get to stay together.  One of the senior guys on our shift is sticking on to advocate for the Constables and the new Sergeant for our shift is saying "If it ain't broke, I don't intend to fix it."

Holiday Schedule

Posted by: Blue

Over December and January, our regular schedules go for a tumble so that we can arrange every year to have one side off on Christmas and the other side off on New Year's.  This year, our shifts got Christmas off.

In order to arrange everything fairly so that we all get the same amount of days off combined with days, evenings and nights worked, not to mention our guaranteed 2 weekends off per 4 weeks worked, we end up having a very scrambled schedule.

This week, I worked 4 nights and took the 5th one off.  Now I have 7 days off until I go back.  The trade-off is that next week I only have 2 days off before I head back in for Evenings.

Back to Work

Posted by: Blue

Tonight is the shift Christmas party.  We're headed for ribs and drinks and then to one of the guys houses.

Sunday I head back for Nights.

Different Kind of Life

I've started to run into a few different outlooks, or possibly attitudes would be a better way of wording it, from people around us towards the way Blue and I live. Not everyone. There have been many supportive people during this transition, but once-in-awhile I've noticed this seeping in.

It's not that I feel that they don't like the way we live, they just don't understand it.

They don't understand what it's like for Blue to work 10+ hours doing a job that isn't, by any means easy. It's physically, mentally and emotionally demanding. Then he comes home to let his body and mind rest. Then he wakes-up (depending on which shift he's working these can be switched) for a very little bit of down-time, eats something and heads to the station to start over. This routine goes for 5 or 6 days in a row. When he actually does have a set of days off, he's either working a side job or working on our house renovations, trying to get the bulk of them done before Baby Blue gets here in November.

As a wife, I try to support him the best that I can and I'm still learning what this looks like. I try to keep the house somewhat quiet when he needs daytime sleep. I don't ask anything of him when he's on shift. I don't have lists for him to do on top of working 10 hour days. I realize that a lot of my things have to wait until his time off, or I need to do them myself. I've become very independent.

We can't always make it to family dinners, church or time spent with friends. We're no longer weekend warriors. Planning a get-together usually need to be done weeks or months in advance. Unless it's only our immediate family involved, spur-of-the-moment plans are practically non-existent now. The Boy and Waffle can go days without spending significant time with their father. When they're in school they can go his whole evening shift without seeing him (pictures, phone calls and texts have to suffice).

I'm fine with this way of life. More than fine. It's different and unusual, but it has so many perks that it's hard to see the downsides. What I find irritating is when people just can't seem to wrap their minds around the fact that we're okay living like this. It doesn't bother us. Sure, it was an adjustment, but one that we were happy to make. It's not that I expect everyone to understand a life they've never lived, but it's hard to be talked at, or down-to, with this 'you poor dysfunctional family' attitude a lot of the time.

Does anyone else ever get this? How do you deal with it?

Shadowmaster

Posted by: Blue

We have a shift change approaching.  It's part of our contract so that everyone gets an equal amount of time on the same rotation.

My last day shift was the 17th.  I will not be on days again until September 28th.  We oscillate between evenings and nights until then.  They are my favourite shifts, but they leave me the most tired.

I try my best to sleep without sleep aids, but sometimes, when the sleeping hours are waning away, I take a mild dose of Melatonin, thereby overcoming my natural Circadian rhythm and forcing my body to believe that it is night time.

Answers III

Posted by: Blue

Courtesy of: Raindog:

7) How many officers are in your agency?
8) If you had your pick, what shift would you work?
9) How often do you go to court?
10) What are you doing to balance out your police life?

7) There are approximately 1400-1500 sworn officers and another 300-400 civilian members.

8) Evenings. I hate days. I quite like nights. Evenings is king though. All the action, very little difficulty transitioning back to daytime schedule for days off, plus I don't have to wake to an alarm.

9)I have been subpoenaed to court once in the year and a half I've been on the street. I was dismissed and not required to testify. Our Crown Attorneys seem to be lazy, unwilling to put criminals on trial, and are constantly either throwing out cases for reasons unknown, or bargaining down mountains to molehills. When a criminal does get tried and convicted, the judges are weak-kneed and never hand-out maximum sentences. Ever. It is sickening and embarrassing as a country.

10) In balance, I start with trying to avoid overtime unless it is necessary. I have enough work on my days off to overrun my time. I have a small side-business as a carpenter and cabinet-installer. I have a wife and 2 children with a third on the way. We have recently been out to the cottage and intend to go on a small trip as a family in January for a wedding. I do not socialize with a lot of cops off-duty, and I have tried to keep multiple connections with a number of people who have absolutely nothing to do with policing. This summer has been a hard one and a busy one, and I am looking forward to relaxing more this fall.

Helping Out

Posted by: Blue

Helping out on a different shift is like being the new kid in school halfway through the year.

You don't really know anyone, you're not in on any of the inside jokes, and you usually end up pissing someone off without trying, just because they do things slightly different than your shift does.

Fatigue

Posted by: Blue

Yesterday, I worked all day installing a kitchen and then worked all night in a cruiser.

I fell asleep at around 6:15 a.m. while typing a report.  I ended up with two pages of:

"ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff"

I was meant to be on Annual Leave this week but something got messed-up on the schedule so I had to go in to work, but I didn't have another day for at least six weeks when I could put in the cabinets.

When the shift was ending, all 3 night crews in the district were in the station on arrests with 2 of the 3 evening cars held-over (also both grounded in the station), and the city was well-established into a raging inferno of criminal activity and looked to be burning to the ground, metaphorically speaking (literally in the case of a few arson calls).  143 calls in the queue with 9 priority 2's (immediate danger including active assaults in progress).  The most I have seen thus far in my career have been 3 or 4 P2's.  The dispatcher was calling the Sgt.'s and desperately searching for a crew that could respond.  Everyone was tied down.

The Sgt. said we looked like zombies.  I said: "Brrraaaaaaiiiiins!!!" and laughed like a hyena.  Couldn't help it.  It wasn't really funny, but I was giddy with exhaustion.  He said he was thinking of sending us out to shag calls but after looking at us, he decided we were more of a liability than an asset out there.

I promised I would be better rested for tonight.

Staying Close

I went to bed shortly after Blue left to start his night shift. I turned back the sheets and slid into his spot. My head hit his pillow and I was out.

The next time I woke-up the light was poking through the curtains and Blue was humming a tune outside the bedroom door. As I got up to face the day he came in and lay down on my usual side of the bed.

It's the little things that help us stay close while we navigate this career. It's all in the little whispers, the little looks, the quick little texts that keep us feeling like we're in this together.

Baby Blue

January - Blue and I accept a job as resident managers and begin the process of renting out our house to a family member. We move into a tiny apartment.

February - Blue did some renovations on our house. I settle in to my new job.

March -  I find out we are expecting our 3rd (unplanned) child. I begin having severe morning (all day) sickness.

April - Blue continues on with work, does 4 side-jobs (cabinets) on his off days and scrambles to figure out where to move his expanding family. I live on the couch, hardly able to do much else. The family member moves into our house.

May - The family member finds another place to live. I put in my notice. I'm starting to feel slightly better.

June - Blue will do some more renovations and take two shifts off to complete as much as he can. We will move back home at the end of this month.

There. That should catch all y'all up on what's been going on and why you haven't heard from us in quite a while.

Like I've said, we try to lead normal boring lives but it just doesn't seem to work very well for us!

So there will be a baby blue born mid-November, unless I have my dates wrong. It's taken awhile to adjust to the idea of being a family of 5. We hadn't planned on having another child, but apparently God has a different idea of what our family should be like.

Transfers

Posted by: Blue

It's transfer time.

We're losing two constables, our patrol sergeant, sergeant, relief patrol sergeant and relief sergeant.

Hopefully we get good replacements, because everyone leaving is a gem.

My partner and I are putting in the request to stay paired for the next year.   JT gave up a favorable position in a specialty unit so we could keep the dynamic duo going strong. 

Wish us luck.

Saturday Night

Yoga pants...check.
Kids in bed...check.
Box of Kashi crackers...check.
Remote in hand...check.

Yup, a typical Saturday night when you're a cop's wife.

Mom Time

Blue woke-up early to take The Boy and Miss Waffle to soccer and then out for treats.

Mom gets a morning off.

Unfortunately most of this dishes we own are sitting on the counter waiting to be washed.

O-well, at least I can listen to my music and putter away without distractions.

It's all about the little things...

One Year

Today marks the one year anniversary of Blue starting academy and becoming a police officer. My how time flies!

So much has changed in the past year.

Blue is happier. He comes home smiling. Tired, but smiling. Even when he's had a bad day and an IPDA has peed in the back of the cruiser, or an uncooperative woman won't give him her DOB...he's still happy.

Blue is excited. As it gets closer and closer to the start of a new set of shifts you can see him change gears. He looks forward to going into work, to seeing his friends, and to what new sorts of calls will come in.

I'm more independent! I'm excited about this one. I used to rely very heavily on Blue and him being around and doing things for me. I would hate when he would come home from work and then turn right around and go out with friends or do a side job. Now? Not a big deal. This career change has forced me to think for myself, rely on my own abilities. It's helped me realize that I'm much stronger than I had thought.

We are more connected as a couple. With Blue getting 4, 5, or 6 days off in between his shifts we've been able to relax more together. He helps out around the house and actually has the energy to get things done or spend time with the kids.

I honestly didn't think that this transition into being a cop's wife would be as easy as it has been. Maybe we're just cut-out for this life? It kinda feels like it. I've loved this past year. I've loved everything about Blue becoming a police officer.

So, here's to our first year as a police family!
Congrats Blue.

Christmas Day

Posted by: Blue

December 25, 2011 will mark the first Christmas Day in 28 years that I have not spent the entire day with my family.

If it is quiet enough, my partner and I plan to sneak over to my mother-in-law's for some turkey and pumpkin pie.

Christmas Miracle

This year, while The Boy is on Christmas break, Blue is on Day Shift and then he's off.

I'm thankful that while the kids are at home during the days over the holidays I don't have to yell whisper at them to be quiet because their dad is sleeping.

To me it feels like a real Christmas miracle.

Missing Daddy

Waffle was missing her daddy today. She asked me what he was up to and if he was fighting with someone. It's funny to see her figure out what his job is all about.

Blue and I both have the same cell phone and on these spiffy phones we can send each other photo's and video's inside our text messages.

Waffle sent Blue a picture of herself and a video saying, "I love you daddy!"

She's trying to understand why he's sometimes here for days at a time and sometimes gone for, what seems like, days at a time. Why some nights he's sleeping here and some nights he doesn't come home.

Last week she had a nightmare at 4:00 in the morning while Blue was on shift. She came upstairs and jumped into my bed shaking and crying. I sent Blue a text letting him know and before you knew it he was on the phone with her reassuring her that everything was fine.

Today he sent her back a picture of him in his uniform and cruiser car. She was very excited.

It's a nice feature that gives her a little glimpse into his world when he's out on the job.

I'm sure that this is a confusing transition for a 4 year-old.