Last night I took The Boy, Waffle and Little Blue to our church for a Maundy Thursday potluck Between getting the ingredients and cooking the food, I had spent a few hours making a massive dish of cannelloni for everyone. Blue started a long stretch of nights so he wasn't able to come with us.
The kids have been on spring break this week. The first morning that they were off The Boy turned to me and said, "I'm bored. I want to go back to school." Keep in mind that this is coming from a kid that likes to solve math problems just for fun...I figured I better plan some good activities to keep them entertained. Blue was able to join us for most of them since he had a few days off. We went swimming, glow bowling, mini-golfing, to Ikea (the kids had never been and they thought the giant maze-like store was pretty fun), out for lunch a few times, had their friends over for play dates, sent Waffle to a friends house for her first-ever sleepover, watched a few movies and did a few crafts.
Yesterday I drove around getting the kids little things for an Easter hunt on Sunday and my food for the potluck. I was dead tired from the craziness of the week and I had a cup of coffee in my hand for the majority of the day.
It's a lot to get two kids, a baby and a dish of food out the door. Between helping set-up, wrangling kids, feeding a baby (twice), feeding kids, feeding myself, wrangling kids again and packing everything/everyone up I barely heard the message and had hardly any time to visit with friends.
By the time we got home (Little Blue screamed the entire way) I was furious with the whole evening and a few of the things the kids had done and I had to deal with it all by myself because Blue was working. I went to bed wondering why I even bother. There are a lot of moments during a lot of days where I feel like all of my efforts go completely unappreciated and unnoticed. There are stretches of days where I feel like a single parent when Blue is on shift and everything falls on my shoulders, or at least it feels that way. It's easy to look at other people and think they have it way easier or way better...and maybe they do. We knew going into this that it would be difficult.
I hope when the kids are a little bit older they're able to look back and remember all of the fun movie nights and family game nights and crafts that we did and they're able to overlook all of the times their mom was a total basket-case.
At this point in time, my life feels completely exhausting.